Long distance relationships are not for all, all are not for long distance relationships. Our forefathers were not made for long distance relationships. They mated only with people within their reacheable radius. Only did the advance of technology proven this wrong. The more advance technology is, the further the distance possible between a couple. Efficient modes of transport, relatively cheap and advanced means of telecommunication systems has increased our sphere of dating influence. As a result, we are able to choose our significant other from a wider selection to produce better offsprings. Theory of evolution.

One of my dan[i]sh gfs, of S[r]i L[a]nkan origins is finally getting her marriage registered with her fiance tomorrow in a local I[n]dian temple. She came to Sing[a]pore 1.5 years ago and met her significant other here. Talking about eastern girls trying to get a western passport, there are also western passport holders dying to get a S[i]ngaporean passport...I'm happy for her, really am =)

I met my significant other when I went 1/2 way around the world. He's got a project now in M[u]nich and might be staying put there for a few more years. He's fighting to get a holiday this year to visit me in S[i]ngapore. But at least he's happy about it. With him, I have a feeling of trust that I never had with other guys I dated in the past before. With him, I feel calm, and not suspicious that he's fooling around even if he's so far away from me. Perhaps it's because he's predictable or rather he's honest about what he's doing all the time or what he plans to do, not to add that he's a serious in everything he does, this is great because I'm a serious person too. This relationship might might might work right.....

When something is bothering me, I yak, I complain, I talk, I discuss with people around me. They become victims of my complains. But it's good. In the process of talking/discussing or whatever you call it, I begin to think about options, analyse the situation and become less frustrated. People around me give me their inputs/expertise, analyse the situation and give feedbacks. As a result of the non-stop discussion with different people, I get tired about the frustration, I analyse the frustration, I get inputs to solve the frustration. After sometime, this thing that bottles me up disappears. So complaining is good. It lets off steam, it helps you think and makes you tired, and become more clear of things.

Moral of the story: Don't bottle up things in your heart or mind, talk them out, put actions into things, it helps.

yes.....the big question which has been bugging me for the past months or gotten to my nerves during the last month since I returned from Net[h]erlands.

I'd just been offered a 6 months contract with 2 months on probation in a big name fi[n]ancial insti[t]ution as a busi[n]ess an[a]lyst, after passing 3 rounds of gruesome questions and answers over a period of 2 days. It's been hard since initially the criteria was someone who is suppose to be much older and with more experience. But I managed to beat the other 2 candidates to emerge the winner of this 3-legged rat race. The boss is ca[n]adian and he is the head of stra[t]egic relations of AP. Basically signing corporate deals with big companies in the AP region. I will be his bu[s]iness ana[l]yst, analysing sales figures, and having the opportunity to lias with many other co-workers elsewhere, in particular, Au[s]tralia. Having a good job is one thing, but I think the most important thing is to have a good boss. 80% of the motivation comes from how good your boss is. If your boss is shit and doesn't believe in development of his employees, then your career is guaranteed to be at a standstill for the next I-dunno-how-many years. He is definitely one guy who believes in development of employees like my ex-Brit[i]sh boss, from what I gathered. If the employee doesn't come back to this role and he finds me suitable and is happy with my performance, I'm probably going to have a big chance to stay for good. So this is a risk that I'm taking. (contract not signed though). For this boss, I feel that if you prove your worth to him, he will be an asset to you to recommend you for further development opportunities which will help in career advancement.

Today I just received a phonecall from another big name bank wanting me to go down for a job interview for the position of the manageme[n]t informa[t]ion operati[o]ns officer. I'm torn....this is a permanent position. The requirement is to have 1 year experience only, unlike that of the above position that I said. It's about managing the management information database, to prepare reports about the performance of the customer profitability, participate in user acceptance test, prepare templates. A friend says it can open up opportunities be becoming a management accountant.

I'm torn.......feeling totally depressed today about the possibility of decision that I have to make. Helppppppp.........

when you just miss your bf so much,

when you start eating 2 packets of instand noodles which you shouldn;t

when you just come home from a party and club and you feel that you are quite drink, but not over the edge where you loose conscienceness

when you just start thinking about the "almost-quarrel" that you had with your bf 24 hours ago

when you just wish that he's right beside you to give you a nice cuddle and tuck you into bed.....

and the times that you are just drunk......also the time when your true emotiona surface admist your confusion and distractions....

I know I still love him.. =)

4am in the morning, just came home from a BBQ and showered. Picks up calling card and starts dialling to NL.

wh: Hey....what are you doing?

bf: I just came home...

wh: Can you go on the internet? I want to chat with you...*in anticipation*

bf: Computer's in Maa[s]tricht

wh: where are you now? go to your dad's office

bf: No..can we chat tomorrow? I'm just home with Tom[e]k and we are going to play X-[b]ox...

wh: What????? you rather play games with him than chat with me? Besides I'm not going to be available tomorrow...

bf: Then we talk on Sunday...

wh: noooooooo......

bf: it's not that I don't love you, but you just get too pushy about talking with me and I'm not comfortable with that...

wh: ........ (silence for 1 minute)

bf: hello???? are you still there?

wh: BYE! *puts down the phone. Feeling terrible. Look at horsey. Tears well up. Wipes tears. Curled up to sleep.....* No man is worth my tears. I don't want to talk with you on Sunday.

The heart is a lonely hunter

Outbursts of emotions

Powers of a supernova

You are beautiful forever...

PS: Poem dedicated to my dear friends and myself out there looking for "The Perfect Partner"

I had been hounded by many friends asking me what that avatar on my messenger is...I just replied, "Well, it's a picture of me, sitting on a big rock in Singa[p]ore..."

My friends were very appalled that it's such a nice photograph....well it's taken by yours truly....how can there be an inferior quality?

Now mystery unveils itself....

Into the night where the sunset is embraced by the dark...

Why is it in the night that one gets increasingly sensitive to emotions?

The decreasing external interferences increasingly invokes our own deeper inner emotions. We begin to feel it surfacing, tension grasps...climaxing, until your tiredness overcomes you and you fall into a deep slumber...The cycle repeats itself the next day over again.

I love the intensiveness of evenings.

The wonders of relationships.

The more you think about him, the deeper you feel for him...

The opposite effect happens too.

The more you think about him, the more you feel less attached and want to break away...

First impressions - The lesser you know about a person, the more you feel like you want to check out the skeletons in their closets. After an initial meeting where the book is open, the mystery veil is lifted and the attraction dissolves like smoke in the air...

The forbidden fruit - The forbidden fruit is always the sweetest. Like a carrot hanging in front of the horse. The lesser you want to give, the more the other desires you. The more you want to give, the less the other appreciates about you or even runs away...

Wine - Relationships can also be like a good bottle of wine. The initial knowledge of the opposite may not be the most exciting or even a big turn off. Like the maturing and aging of a good bottle of wine, the opposite sex and you may may develop into a really good relationship worth treasuring and exploring...

I realised how much I had changed during this whole traineeship. My personality, the way I look at things, the way I treat people and the world around me.... I look at it using a different pair of glasses now. I would say one of the persons which influenced me most is Lored[a]na. I remember this believe that she had "I feel that the world is becoming more selfish. I do not want to be like that. I want to be more understanding and kind to everyone around me. I want to find inner harmony within myself..." Almost everyday since Lore said that, I had been struck with the same sentence everyday. Truly enough, I began to change too and I find so much more inner harmony within myself. When I look at Lore today and the way before, she had changed so much. She becamed such an understanding lady, really nice and she had also told me "now I feel that my heart is ready, I found so much more inner harmony" I am really happy that I met her. I believe that things happen for a reason and this is a definitely good reason. I also believe that I want to hold on to this philosphy that Lore left me for a long long time. This is one of the best souvenirs that I took home from Netherlands

I also remembered how much I wanted someone to be my significant other before I left Singapore to the point that I thought I felt quite desperate not meeting guys of the right calibre. A woman needs to be loved, cared for and pampered...I was responding to nature's calls. After this 1 year, I met the guy I love. So I stopped looking around when I'm back home. Strangely, when I stop looking around, boys started coming to me! I had never felt so popular ever with boys. But I guess a fair bit of flirting will be healthy afterall I had been honest with him about all that I do and I hadn't cross the line to do anything that would hurt him. ;-)

What is this reverse psychology about? Things come when you are not looking...hmmmm...not too fair ;-)